GIMME THAT!

I swim in rather inappropriate waters.

It isn't about what Katie did anymore, it's what's Katie's doing all the time. It is the endless collection of disturbing motions in the head.

It is the crave for things that can never be possessed.
It's the candy haunt and vain 54 kilos.

It's the fashion and music and trips and a lack of money.
Thingies.
The shoes.
The dress.
The body.
The lust.
Are the kings who have disappeared. There are someone else's kings to race.



It's the daily fight to change.
“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
And the daily projects about the market change.
It's the dwell about being mistaken or even ignorant. It's the question.
Days of dreaming, nights of closing in.

It's the pain in the spring.

But nothing..that's done.

Katie isn't evolving, she's returning. Back. To all the cats she remembers, shallow open graves, windy high trips, dark movie scenes, ever further. Returning to the redness on her pale, to the words unsaid and missed out. Open up, Katie.

kiss the girls

I'd rather be a boy.

But having a soft milky skin
Feeling the glance from sparky hair on my back
Absorbing the city lights with warm eyes, curious and playful eyes
Wearing lipstick of red and pink on the whispery tender lips
Black, transparent, dotted, striped tights moving up the legs
Summer day walks in heeled shoes
Summer night crawls trough the wet grass in someone's back yard
Dancing in underwear to my favourite song
Laces swaying around the neck
Waves breaking in my new black dress and after
Eating candy in the middle of the night
Watching chick movies and falling in love with the main actor
Being bendy and small
Warm and vindicated in someone's arms
Daydreaming
White in the early morning


..all and so many more is what makes me thank God I'm not a boy!
so boys, kiss the girls!

Reminder

Linda
Lisa
Lara
Micheline

It's not summer, but January must be alright

It's been a while now, since I'm a total mess, incapable of grabbing my own thoughts and in an inexplicable belief that nothing can be done in a due.
Schedule is just one more thing I lost somewhere and I struggle without it. Without actually doing something. Those are the most horrible fights you can ever have.

Sometimes, the image of me having that effort looks like the cover of Sleeping With Ghosts, Placebo.


I want to get myself together and finish my projects.
I need to find priorities.
I have to write some lists until they become my schedule.
That sounds like a lame therapy, but it's time for some desperate measures. These shoes are killing me.

Leaving that aside, I need to learn what life without dwelling over stupid things is. Silly things like two pink telephones are alright, but living in the memories instead of moving on is just one other stupid crazy issue.

And dreams of Sweden, I must leave aside for a while. I need to finish what I've started just now.

www.dezeen.com
(Y) yay
helps with the building
birds help with the room
mitex does not provide solution for the pillows
I wrote a song for my dahlia the cat
dreams keep a reminder of what I need to be forgotten
nausea without explanation
boys need their presents
I have no imagination

Is what I need on my wedding...

Is what I want in my room...

..and many more.